Don’t you just love those Bud Light “Real Men of Genius” commercials? I love them because they always make me laugh, so here’s my poor attempt at a parody of that famous Bud Light ad campaign called “Springfield Men Of Genius”, starting with Mr. Cow Chip Thrower. I know there are creative people out there in Springfield who can come up with some other great “Springfield Men Of Genius”, so feel free to contribute!
Springfield Men Of Genius – Mr. Cow Chip Thrower
Announcer: Message in a Boggle presents . . . Springfield Men of Genius.
Singer: Springfield Men of Genius . . .
Ancr: Today we salute you, Mr. Cow Chip Thrower
Singer: Mr. Cow Chip Thrower
Ancr: You are dedicated to the amazing sport of flinging dried cow dung as far as humanly possible while surrounded by drunken spectators and local celebrities eating corn on the cob.
Singer: Gotta throw it far, gotta win!
Ancr: You rigorously train year-round to prepare for the once-a-year muck chuck and your chance to be the distinguished champion.
Singer: (farm noises, cow moos) Hurl that manure on the farm, doesn’t smell that bad to me!
Ancr: Lifting weights, perfecting your shotput technique, dulling your sense of smell, learning to pick the most aerodynamic cow chip, constantly striving to achieve ultimate glory and a darn nice trophy!
Singer: Don’t even need no gloves!
Ancr: And your cow pie throwing techniques coupled with your intense concentration are nothing short of brilliant, not to mention your shocking bravery!
Singer: Shoo, fly, don’t bother me . . .
Ancr: So crack open an ice-cold light beer, Mr. Cow Chip Thrower. We salute you for providing disgusting, filthy entertainment to a twisted and desperatedly jaded audience on a long, hot summer day in the country.
Singer: Go, go, cow chip throw!
Well played. You could probably sell on them on that one.
Springfield Men Of Genius – Mr. Abe Lincoln Impersonator
Announcer: Message in a Boggle presents . . . Springfield Men of Genius.
Singer: Springfield Men of Genius . . .
Ancr: Today we salute you, Mr. Abe Lincoln Impersonator
Singer: Mr. Abe Lincoln Impersonator
Ancr: You are willing to ride on the coat tails of Springfield’s most well-known and beloved son.
Singer: Four score and seven years ago . . . .
Anncr: We admire the lengths to which you must go to actually look like Lincoln – the fake beard and eye brows, the ridiculous hat and clothes, the platform shoes because you’re only 5 foot 2, black hair dye, and of course the belly girdle . . .
Singer: (moaning) I . . . know . . . I can . . . squeeze into this thing!
Anncr: But most of all we respect your ability to make any amount of money off this slight resemblance.
Singer: You look like Abe in a fun house mirror!
Anncr: We know that it must get old portraying a man who has been dead for nearly one hundred fifty years, but you tirelessly continue gig after gig, flubbing his historic speeches and rewriting the past with your foggy recollections.
Singer: The civil war and slavery? Not really that big of a deal as I recall . . .
Anncr: We look forward to all the city festivals and events, because we know that we can count on you to be there, representing one of our nation’s greatest presidents and Springfield’s greatest celebrity.
Singer: Anybody up for going to the theater?
Anncr: So crack open an ice-cold light beer, Mr. Abe Lincoln Impersonator. We salute you for your poor imitation of a great man.
Singer: See you again soon on Lincoln’s birthday!